Why Do I Feel There Is More


I was asked at the weekend by a novelist I had gone to visit: I have a metaphysical question for you, I live my life by what I call tarsan economics, I swing from vine to vine. By that I mean when things are good as at the start of the swing and reach their peak another vine is alway there to stop my fall. I feel there is something else acting upon me either external or internal. I can’t shake it. It is as though someone is looking out for me, my family whom have passed perhaps. I had a chance to be well off and run my own removal company, I chose to write. I feel I was pushed in that direction by forces outside of me, that’s what I was supposed to do. My question is what is this force, why do I feel there is something else acting upon me or from within me? 

I replied: I don’t know, it could be that it comes down to wants and desires. I mean what is happening after all. You’re swinging on vines, hopeful there’s another vine to cling too. You go through worry each time your current vine is reaching the end of swing with no new vine in sight. So, when one blindly reaches out to grab a vine, one is saved. You feel good again, happy even, you’re at the start of a new swing. It’s exciting you were about to die in effect and now you’re not. Surely one must attribute such to some metaphysical marvel! 

Well you could, it could also be probability. Going through such hard times the probability of something to elevate that is high, there’s probably more possibilities or opportunities than you are aware hence you don’t take those opportunities you don’t see. Instead you take only what falls in your lap.

Whom was to say you could only do one or the other, for example: go to university be a writer or open up a lucrative removals company. Who’s to say you may not have done both? However, some might say there is an element of fate a deterministic character to what we can achieve, I wouldn’t disagree however I would stay sceptical about hard determinism. I would state that we have a choice in a limited set of possible choices. I also say not all choices are good, choices may lead to good, bad or indifferent outcomes. A choice made today even might be now or for the foreseeable future be good, however turn out in the long run to be not so good. 

So why do you feel that there is something more, something outside of acting? Perhaps it is because there is perhaps that something is reality, that sometimes harsh thing nobody really likes but is fundamental to being in the world.

Published by Engine Mortale

Engine Mortale is my chosen pseudonym, I’ve chosen a pseudonym because I think it most appropriate as some of work will be rather personal. I figured this was the best way. I’m an autodidact, my to prominent fields of study’s are behaviour and philosophy, most recently art and poetry have been of keen interest. I hope genuinely that some good comes out of my out of this thing i call a life, if nothing else just that.

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